The Wrong Kind of Praise

Fruits of the Spirit

I am convicted often of what I teach my children when I am NOT thinking about teaching them.  You know, the stuff they really pay attention to.  Deuteronomy 6:5-8 teaches:

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.  These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.  Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.” 

How can we do that?  Well, the Jews literally bound God’s words on their foreheads in small boxes called Phylacteries.  I think a better way for teaching our children is something they all respond quite readily to; our praise.  How about praising our children when they show an act of one of the Fruits of the Spirit, like Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Gentleness, Faithfulness, and Self-Control?  This is not easily done, either.  It’s an intentional effort on our part.  Why is that, anyway?  Maybe, if I stick an 8 ½” x 11” sheet of paper up somewhere prominent in the house for each of the nine Fruits of the Spirit, would it help me remember? 

Often, I find myself praising my children more highly for a beautiful picture they drew, than when they showed incredible Self-Control and Patience when their baby sister destroyed a Lincoln Log village they worked so hard on.  Or, excitedly exclaiming over a school project they got good grades on, but not when they showed Kindness to their sibling whom they more often argue and bicker with.  How about when we praise our son for doing so well in sports, but when he shows uncharacteristic Kindness to a classmate in school, our praise is dismal in comparison?  It is such a challenge for our sinful natures to think outside of what “man” sees as important!

As a result, I find them working their hardest to achieve and master the things they are MOST praised for, knowing I had a huge hand in that.  It’s not as if we intentionally do this.  It is not premeditated.  However, it is showing our children what really matters, what will get them the most praise and attention from us.  And guess what?  That’s exactly what they will put their heart and soul into: Sports, Education, Talents, etc.  Why don’t we all challenge ourselves this Season to show our children that Fruits of the Spirit of Christ are far more receiving of praise than anything else?  What better way to love the Lord with all our heart, soul, and strength than teaching our children what really matters in this life- Christ and bearing His fruit.

Down the Toilet

Ok…be honest…have you ever talked on the phone or texted while using the toilet?  Maybe I am the only multi-tasking woman who tries to pack at least three tasks into one, but I really don’ t  think I am alone here!   Well, earlier this week I was using the restroom, texting and wiping up grime off the bathroom floor all at the same time.  Now, that is what you call making every minute count!  Anyway, as I arose and turned to flush the toilet, my new cell phone plunged in to take a swim.  It swam alright…right on through the pipes!  I mean, it didn’t even clog the toilet or cause any overflow.  It just washed right on down that toilet!  I hovered over the porcelain pot waiting for it to resurface, but it was gone in a flash…never to return!  My first thought was anger, but it very quickly faded to extreme laughter!  I couldn’t hold it back!

I have thought about this little incident all week and how sometimes life’s problems seem to take us right on down the toilet.  It can be a completely helpless feeling…especially if we don’t have God as our source of strength.  Jobs, family, church, finances, sickness, children, husbands, friends, responsibilities and commitments can become so overwhelming that we feel like we have no control and send us plunging into a downward spiral!  We have a couple of choices when we are faced with difficulties in life.  We can choose to get angry and become bitter, unlikable people who are completely ineffective.  We can become victims who always feel like life has dealt us a bad hand and it is never our fault or we can choose to laugh and be filled with joy because we know who is really in control.  I choose the latter!  God is in control of it all and He is much better at multi-tasking than me.  I am so thankful that he never allows me to slip from His strong, safe hands!

Life is busy!

Life if busy!  Can I get an Amen!  Most days I feel like I’m running from one place to another and never get anything accomplished!  Sometimes I just want to push pause and take a nap.  What really makes me sad though is the fact that my busyness hinders my personal relationship with God.  I’m so busy “doing things” that I forget to push pause and seek rest in the Father.  I’m flying thru the day with deadlines and duties hanging over my head, letting myself get overwhelmed with what I have to do and forgetting that my Father has said “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”  Matthew 11:28.  Yes, He said REST! 

Who among us Moms doesn’t need that!!  What a blessed promise!!  Claim it Moms!  Cling to it!  And join with me in making a commitment to find time to push that pause button each day and find sweet rest in the Father.

You Are The King’s Daughter!

When you have a down right crappy day… remember….Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Our eyes are the lamp to our body.  If we take in darkness… we see darkness.  Make a choice to see light… to see beauty.  Praise God when life is hard… praise him when you don’t feel like it… then your attention is turned to Him and soon you will not remember what it was that was hindering you.. put your focus on him… sing praises to him out loud…speak out loud what the lord has done… read the Psalms… He will lift you up… He delights in you.  You are a precious child to Him… You are the apple of His eye.. .He wants nothing more than for you to be set free… that’s why He came… to set the captives free… Set your thought on Him… you can’t help but smile when you realize you are the Kings Daughter!

3 Day Food Chart (Resource)

This is another attempt I am making at motivating and educating my kids to eat healthy.  A definite must during these months of flu season.  Each day has a place to mark how many servings of each food group they have had, with visual serving size pictures to the right of the chart.  I would have done a whole week, but ran out of space, and time.  I had them laminated and we use a dry erase marker.  However, a grease pencil would work better, just can’t find one anywhere.  After 3 days, I put the total servings of each food group that they “should” have had, along with the servings they actually “did” have and see who is the winner in each food group.  Whichever child has the most “wins” gets some type of treat (NOT sweets, lol!), i.e. 10 minutes of favorite online game site, favorite movie with popcorn, a trip to the park, special 1 on 1 time to play with Daddy, etc.  You get the idea.  Parents of one child may have to tweak the rewards system a bit.  I hope this works for you if your desperate for ways to motivate healthy eating with your kids.  It seems to be working well for us so far.

Stress Before School

Why is it, that getting kids ready for school in the morning is such a chore?  I equate it to getting them ready to go to bed at night.  Both tasks are extremely difficult, and test your patience.  The same things always happen too.  Our son is forever losing his shoes, our daughter always bemoans having to brush her teeth, and when the baby is awake, she has to always have one kiss before doing what we ask of her.  Then, one kiss turns into some baby talk, and more kisses until she has forgotten what we asked her to do.  We run out of things to punish them that will motivate them to obey.  There should be a parent disciplinary clinic that you can go to get ideas, “Punishment Ideas to Improve Obedience.”  The problem is the punishments often affect the whole family, not just the child who has been disobedient.  As I write this I am hearing my husband saying, “We are leaving this house in 3 minutes, [and once more] 3 minutes,” and my son say, “Daddy, I can’t find my shoes!”  Then my husband, “Why can’t you just put them in the same spot everyday?”  “Why do we continue to have the same problem?”  Now the clock is chiming 8:00am the absolute latest time to leave.  They have never yet been late to school; maybe we should just allow that to happen, so that they suffer the embarrassment of coming in the class late?  That is not beneficial to parent/teacher relations though, or fair to the teachers in general.  The million dollar question is always: “What can we creatively do to motivate them to obey?”

The Inside, Or The Outside?

When you finished grocery shopping, and are waiting in the line with your kids, there is something that accost’s you at every angle.  Provocatively dressed woman, air-brushed to perfection.  How do you explain these to your inquisitive daughter when she asks why all the pretty ladies are wearing hardly any clothes?  Much less, explaining what they are talking about when she is old enough to read all of the article headlines, (that’s a blog in and of itself!) 

How can I teach my daughter it’s about what’s on the inside that counts, if I say things like, “I need to lose weight,” “I look so fat in that picture,” “I wish I had hair like her,” and “I hate all my wrinkles, and stretch marks!”  Of course, we never think about what we are saying to our daughter when we lament our issues.  But, all those comments just lend credence to what’s on the front cover of the Women’s magazines.  We are agreeing with the world’s view of beauty, that what’s on the outside matters most!  If it really is about what’s on the inside that makes us so beautiful, then comments like this would be tumbling out:  ”I need to work on being more loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, and self-controlled,” NOT, “I need to eat less,” “I’m so fat!”  “I hate…  about my body.”  

Every self-loathing comment we make, she is internalizing.   Every word we say on losing those extra pounds to look good in some dress, she is filing away in her innocent mind.  She will take it out one day, and examine it all later when she starts to notice what is considered beautiful by the world.  She will see the differences between her, and that perfect image that stares off the magazine cover at her, that she can never hope to obtain.  She will remember how much her Mommy hated her own body too. 

I have really had to make an effort to say more things like, ”I need to eat healthier, so that is why I am having a salad instead,” or “She has beautiful hair, but I like the way my hair looks too,” and “Wow!  She must eat very healthy, and exercise a lot to look like that!”  Not only do I make a concerted effort to say these things, but to think them as well.  These negative thoughts we have about our self-image, only come from the Enemy.  We must remember that “…out of the overflow of [our] heart [our] mouth speaks.” (Luke 6:45)  We spill forth those self-hating thoughts, and our precious little girls are listening.  They are desperately looking to us to teach them the confidence we should have in who we are, as daughters of the “King.”  Dear Lord, please help me live with the confidence as a daughter of the King!

 

I Didn’t Get A Reward, And I Was Good!

My daughter came home from school saying, “Mommy, I’m mad.  I behaved good all day today, and obeyed my teacher, but not once did my teacher notice and give me a ‘ROAR.’”  She was almost in tears over it.  

Her school gives out tiny little Xeroxed blue sheets of paper as a reward for good behavior.  Each tiny sheet has an acronym listed with check mark boxes next to the type of behavior they showed: Respect, Obedience, A+ Attitude, Responsibility, and Success.  These all spell out: ROAR.  Next to these, is a cute little lion roaring his approval.   

I told her the standard Mommy line: ”Honey, we shouldn’t do good just to get a reward, or a pat on the back.”  Later on, I was embarrassed to discover I did the same thing!  How many times do I work hard around the house doing chores, being a Mom, and cleaning up after everyone, and then get mad, or have my feelings hurt when I don’t get a pat on the back, or a reward of, “Thanks Mom!” 

I was encouraged once by a Mother who said we should look at Motherhood, and our duties at home through the eyes of this verse in Colossians 3:23-24:  “Whatever you do (laundry, dishes, cleaning-up, straightening, taxiing to-and-fro, entertaining, being a Mom, etc.), work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men (or your spouse or children), since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving (not your spouse or your children).” 

When I strive to look at all my duties and responsibilities as a Stay-At-Home-Mom through the eyes of that verse, it becomes easier to do them without that pat on the back, or word of thanks from my family.  I am a servant to their needs, but ultimately working for the Lord; thus, serving Him. 

In my sinful, prideful self, I have to make a conscious effort everyday to see Motherhood, and all the responsibilities that come with it, through the eyes of this verse.  I don’t want to do my work expecting a reward from my family.  I want to do my work for my Lord, and be joyful to know that I will receive an inheritance from Him one day.